It’s Valentine’s Day in the late 1990s. I’m sitting in a classroom waiting for the teacher. Across the classroom are a couple of the cool, pretty, skinny girls with glossy sheets of hair that they toss across their shoulder with a practiced nonchalance.
I’m eavesdropping. (And possibly staring at them with wild confusion in my eyes.)
One of the Cool, Pretty, Skinny Girls (let’s call her CPSG #1) is proudly celebrating her one month anniversary with her boyfriend. They have a hot date planned that night. She’s expecting a one-month -anniversary present AND a Valentine’s Day gift. (Two occasions = two gifts. Natch.)
CPSG #2 has just been to collect a bunch of flowers that her boyfriend sent to the school as a Valentine’s Day gift. She’s nurturing the flowers in the same way a new mother tenderly cares for her newborn baby.
Me? I’m perplexed. And envious.
I want what they have.
I have a sudden, yet desperate and urgent, need for a pimply-faced, gangly-limbed boyfriend who sends me flowers on schmaltzy, commercialised Hallmark Holidays.
So, I make a resolution. I too am going to be a CPSG who struts around the school caressing flowers wrapped in dusty rose tissue-paper.
Problem #1: I don’t have any flower-sending candidates in my life.
Solution: Make a list of all potential boyfriends.
The list is short. I don’t know many boys and the ones that are cute enough for potential selection are all taken by a CPSG.
Genius Idea #1: Cute guy who lives one block away from me. I often see him when we both walk home from our respective schools.
Problem #2: Mr Cute and I don’t actually know each other.
Solution: Write him a letter demonstrating the unarguable benefits of becoming my boyfriend.
I draft my letter. I edit it. I write it on my special occasion stationery with my very best penmanship.
My “Be My Boyfriend Now, Send Me Flowers Tomorrow” letter would have definitely returned an A+ in any persuasive writing assignment at school. It is truly magnificent. I have three key arguments, each argument is supported by evidence and I conclude with a summary of my major points (including the benefits of flower delivery!).
Clear. Logical. Concise.
But…feelings trump logic.
One of the many, many things I didn’t understand at the tender age of 15, however, is that emotions beat reason. Always.
If someone feels good around you, they’ll want to see you again.
If they don’t feel so good around you, you probably won’t hear from them again.
And if they have absolutely no idea who you are, they are *not* going to send you flowers this week… (Even / especially if you write them a really amazing letter insisting upon said flowers!)
Relationships are about as simple and as complicated as that.
And one of the frustrating truths about dating is that our previous experiences can sometimes negatively impact our current and future dates.
Dated a jerk who ghosted you? And now you’re trying to protect yourself from being hurt again?
I get it. I get that the experience was totally crap. Totally undeserved. And totally unfair.
But the terrible twist to this crappy situation is that if you don’t clear the hurt and frustration out of your system, the bad ju-ju might turn into a stinky yet invisible companion that a future date feels and responds to.
There are many different ways to clean up the energy of hurt and frustration.
Eating an entire pizza, two litres of ice cream and a box of chocolates can help numb the immediate pain but it’s not a long-term solution.
A good debrief with a trusted buddy can work wonders. Meditation and old-school dance moves and time in nature and funny movies all help.
Me, I swear by EFT. (But you know that!)
Don’t take your old dating disasters to your new date
Today’s video and podcast is all about bouncing back from a bad date.
It gives you an alternative to overeating if you do happen to have a dud date or two in your recent past!
If you’ve got yourself into a tizz over a bad date, click on through and tap that out of your system.
You deserve a magnificent love and the odds are (s)he won’t be the first person you date. (Annoying but true.) That means you need a tool in your back pocket to help you navigate the ups and downs of dating in Age of Tinder, and I cannot recommend EFT more highly!
You can check it out here:
Or if you prefer audio-only, check it out here:
And if you’re ready for some support when it comes to healing your emotional eating + clearing your inner weight loss blocks with EFT, drop me a line and we’ll chat: firstname.lastname@example.org